You heard it right, my marriage comes before my children. Always.
Before you condemn me for not having a heart and being a below average mother, hear me out.
I love my little girls beyond words. They are my world and I feel so blessed that they chose me to be their mama. But I love my husband a little tiny bit more. Let me tell you why...
I CHOSE HIM...
…and he chose me. We decided, out of all the people in the world, that we were going to be together forever. We sniffed out other potential mates, had some flings, found each other and decided “yup, this one looks like a keeper” and despite the billions of other people in the world, set our hearts together and committed to being in love.
We chose each other to create life together. He decided that he wanted me to be the mother of his children, that he loved me enough to want a part of me in his world forever.
But we didn’t choose our baby girls. I believe on some level that they chose us but I won’t get too deep right now. We were given the children we were given. They could end up being a total divas as a teen and I promise you that even though I would love them unconditionally, there will probably be times when I don’t like them too much. When they wears shorts that go up their bum, when they brings home a friend who I think is a bad influence and even when they possibly sneak out of home to go to a party. I will ALWAYS love them but I never chose these little personalities.
I chose him. And I will keep choosing him until he gives me a valid reason not to.
LOVE IS FOREVER...
…if you work at it. I don’t think marriage is easy at all, you do have to work on it. Maybe not always but at some point you have to put down your creature comforts and walk the hot coals to make your partner feel good. In love you will sacrifice, compromise, lose out and feel cheated. But you will always win when you put the love you chose first.
I don’t expect that I can put my heart and soul into mothering and expect that the love I always dreamed of with Hugh will just stay put. The garden needs to be watered often. I know that if I neglect our relationship and put our child first always, it will dwindle. Bo & Harper will grow up, find love, move out and see us less often. They will create their own little families and my husband and I will be left together. Just the two of us again. But older and wiser and with a great knowledge of where we stand in each others lives. I don’t want to get to that point where we look around our empty home and not know what to do with each other. I want him to know that he was always my first forever.
WE SET AN EXAMPLE...
…of what love can be. I want to show the girls that in this world of all to frequent divorce and short term relationships, real love still exists. I hope that one day they will look for in a man what they see in their daddy. A man who loves his wife through it all. A man who held my hand during a painful labor and still remembered to take a little video of their first few moments in my arms because he knew I would want to watch the memory again and again. A man who was by my side cheering me on when I started my own business, newborn in my arms and breast pump attached to my chest. A man who saw me in hospital at my very worst and still treated me like the most beautiful girl in the world. I want her to see how incredible love can be, how we can continue to love and adore each other through our long lives. I want her to see how treating your husband like the most important person in your world makes him feel loved, secure and strong. I want her to see how important love and connection is. Because as one we all have the potential to be great, but sharing it with someone special makes the victories so much sweeter.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that people change, things happen and sometimes that chosen love doesn’t last a lifetime. I’m open to that being possible because nothing at all is certain. But what I know to be true right now is that I love this man enough that I want to spend my whole entire life with him. That might change, just as my teen love for baggy cargo pants with studded belts did.
But for now, my heart is with him.
That’s my choice. Happy Valentines Day, beautiful.