Writing this, it’s 10pm at night and I should be in bed. I usually don’t allow myself into my office past 7pm but I had an epiphany while journalling and I needed to get it out otherwise it would pass me by and drift into a distant dream I would never remember.
I pulled an Angel Card asking for guidance for the days ahead. Nothing hectic. Just that I wanted some changes in my own self care routine. You see, the last few weeks I’ve fallen into the trap of give give give and I need to receive again. And because I’m my biggest priority I knew I needed to start giving to myself, not wait for someone else to do it for me.
To my surprise, expecting a card to give me permission to go all in and schedule back my ‘me time’, I pulled a card which told me to reward myself.
"You've been giving a lot of yourself lately, and it's time for you to receive. Make the time to reward yourself in a meaningful way. This balance of giving and receiving is essential to keeping your energy, mood and motivation at a consistently high level."
Now, to me, self care isn’t a reward for being good, or being tired. Self care is a necessity for me to run and function to the best of my ability. So this card was a little shock. But knowing that my angels know best, I thought about it, wrote about it, thought some more and then it hit me.
I’m rewarding myself all wrong.
I view a reward as most of us probably do. A naughty food treat, some new shoes or binge watching your favourite TV show. I’ve been using rewards as a short term gift for doing something well. If I kick a life goal I’m all about celebrating. If I’ve had a rough few months dealing with a heart condition (because, you know… It happens) I’ll reward myself by letting my guidelines for life slip a little. I’ll skip my morning routine because I’m tired. I’ll eat my favourite foods that taste good at the time but make me feel sick afterwards.
So while journalling at 10pm it hit me - What kind of a reward is that?
All these little gifts to myself were actually little packages of poop with a pretty bow. Most of the ways I think to reward myself, actually make me worse off in the long run.
: : Sleeping in leads to me having no time to do yoga or write when I wake up.
: : Eating junk leads to a foggy mind and bloated belly.
: : Binge watching reality TV leads to a messy house and messy mind.
No one ever forced me to meditate, do yoga and eat a plant based diet. I chose it. Because I wasn’t happy with feeling average and I wanted to excel at life. Which I do, when I do what serves me. But it’s so easy to fall into old habits. Just because that old sugar kick used to make me feel pretty good right after, doesn’t mean it works now. Just because back to back episodes of Friends used to take my mind off how lonely and left out I felt, doesn’t mean I need that false sense of comfort anymore.
I need to re-evaluate how I reward myself and I know EXACTLY how.
I’m flipping rewards from a small, short burst of excitement to something completely different.
I want my rewards to be -
: : Make up free days because I’m glowing inside and out
: : Bounds of energy when I wake up in the morning
: : Feeling comfortable in my own skin 24/7 and never worrying about cutting back because an event is coming up
: : The flexibility in my body and mind so I can always bend and never break
Instead of thinking about how I can get a quick shot of goodness when I need it, I’m going to focus more on the long term. I’m going to focus more on what I can do now to make everyday feel like a reward for being freaking awesome. Because I am. You are too. So please make sure you’re treating yourself that way.
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